This article examines the arrest of Henry Louis Gates in 2009 from the perspective of critical folklore studies. It analyzes police report narratives as a folkloristic genre, closely related to the personal narrative, and then considers their production within a larger social and rhetorical context as an expression of lore constitutive of antagonistic folk groups. It then proposes the notion of regional and vernacular racisms, with specific reference to southern New England rituals of identity and similar practices. This article concludes with specific recommendations illuminated by such a critical perspective for redressing and dismantling racism.