Waldorf education, an alternative pedagogy imported to the USA from Germany in 1921, is rarely researched yet popularly conceptualized as a space of unusual educational freedom and creativity. However, viewed systematically through the lens of critical ethnography and discourse analysis, the Waldorf approach is quite the opposite, governed by rigid routines and adult control of children's bodies, activities, and language. Drawing upon the critical sociology of childhood and combining observational and interview data from a nine-month ethnography, I argue that Waldorf education's central tenet of ‘protecting childhood’ is fundamentally about adult control and a deficit notion of young children. Specifically, I use critical discourse analysis to illuminate how pronominal use in the teacher's discourse serves to justify her authority and deficit constructions of child development. The article concludes by considering the ways Waldorf education might be made more egalitarian by incorporating multiple conceptions of child development in its pedagogical practice.