We all know that there is such a thing as British English; it is the progenitor of all subsequent “Englishes” (as professional linguists awkwardly call national and sub-regional varieties of the English language) in the world. And we do, of course, know that there is American English, not only because it is the earliest national variety to rebel against some of the quirky conventions of British English—a fact that inspired the celebrated Irish writer George Bernard Shaw to famously remark that “England and America are two countries divided by a common language”— but also because America’s current preeminent position in the world ensures that its variety of English is now relentlessly universalized through a scarcely perceptible but nonetheless powerful process of pop-culture-induced linguistic osmosis. What of Nigerian English? Is there such a thing as Nigerian English? If there is, how is it different from and similar to British and American English? If there isn’t, why do Nigerians have such radically idiosyncratic usage patterns that set them apart from other users of the English language?