Never Having to Say You're Sorry: Barriers to Apology by Leaders in Group Conflicts

Roger L. Conner, Vanderbilt University
Patricia Jordan

Abstract

A timely apology in a group conflict can stop dangerous escalation, prevent revenge-seeking and repair relationships. This article explores why such apologies work, and why they are so rare.

The article suggests that an effective apology requires (1) a public speech act that (2) manifests a sincere change of heart. Most leaders are prevented from recognizing the need for any such change by psychological processes that screen out dis-confirming information. Even if these processes can be circumvented, psychological resistance to change and the operation of intra-group norms deter leaders from publicly acknowledging error.

The authors suggest three conditions that must be met for a leader to make an apology and for the other group to accept the apology once made: "Ripeness"— some degree of softening of negative attitudes and rhetoric on both sides of the conflict; a "Window of Opportunity" that permits the leader to limit the scope of the apology; and the leader's ability to discern and deliver culturally and historically appropriate mix of words and ritual causing the offended group to experience the actions as the “reenactment of an archetypal narrative.”